Bliss, Awakening, Comfort

Today, some friends and I went downtown to north market and Stanton's. I really love downtown columbus, I am not sure why, but I just love the large city, but still cute atmosphere. I love the upscale businesses and restaurants mixed in with quaint shops and markets. But I found myself imagining future life.
I wasn't the girl who had her whole life and wedding planned out of anything, I did not think much of my dream home or dream job, so thinking about this was odd for me, but kind of fun. I wondered why it is so pleasurable to think about your dream future and came to this conclusion:

 It is pleasurable to be in complete control. 

That's why little girls think about their weddings and some become 'bridezillas'. That is why people love games like the SIMs and playing with barbies or dolls. Any sort of role playing game in general. Even playing pretend. It allows for kids to create and control their own 'dream life'. And for those of us who are too old for things like that, we day dream and imagine exactly how we would prefer life to be in the future.
Now of course reality sets in and we realize how little control we have. That is when those of us who have faith in God who does have control feel comfort. I could not imagine not knowing who has control of my life, I cannot imagine the discomfort or fear associated with that idea.

So even after the rude awakening of reality after a daydream of my ideal future life, I can still be joyful and comforted because of my God. How good He is.

The Difference

I feel the need to put disclaimers before each of my posts... I am not sure if that is a bad thing or not. Oh Well.... DISCLAIMER: I love college, I do not really get home sick, I love the friends I have made, there are amazing people here.

I was at the high school football game where the marching band seniors are features. They get to dress up in costumes, play a show written by one of their peers, and a song from their freshman year. It is such a memorable night. Seeing it all happen for them makes me miss making all of those memories last year, miss my marching family, and talking to my old director made me miss him terribly too.

I want to do a little comparing now. My current band director is a really cool guy. He's amazing at what he does, is very musically and generally intelligent and all around great. My high school band director was great in a different way. He knew a lot about music and was a great leader, sure. But he was more to us than that. He was willing to listen if we had a problem, even not band related. He really showed that he cared about us. We could spend time with him in his office and it was no big deal. We could joke around about anything.
I am sure my new director cares about us as a band, and as a teacher cares about us as students, but it is not the same. Now, maybe because I am a freshman and don't exactly know the guy, I do not see that extra 'care factor' yet, but I don't see it between him and other students either.
 Maybe the transition from high school to college means that teachers go from educators+people who care about you, to simply just amped up educators. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. We became socialized as well as educated through k-12 school, but we came to college to get the education we need to successfully pursue the career we want. In the same way teachers in high school want you to learn but some also care about you as a child, and the professors here at college mostly just want to prepare you to be successful in a career. (More disclaimer: some do seem to care beyond our academic and career success, but I am going by the faculties as wholes. ) 

That extra factor that I saw in my directors and teachers, that I want to show to my future students, is just another thing to miss.

Surprises and Not So Much

It is not surprising whatsoever that I am writing randomly after a long break of forgetting, business, lack of concentration and other lame excuses for not writing. The topic of my post however is extremely surprising. I usually write about deep thoughts inspired by struggles or conversations. I usually vaguely reference certain people in my life, or discuss worries about my future.
To make things more surprising, you must know something about me. I have always absolutely despised math. I have been terrible at it, I dread doing it and I have just never understood the concepts.
If you are able to put two and two together (Ha! math reference), you have now realized that I am writing about math. (take this moment to gasp, reread to make sure you saw correctly, and hopefully be extremely intrigued to further read).
Not to be disappointing, but I am going to write a post inspired by math, rather than spitting out a bunch of numbers and fancy mathematical terms.
I am currently taking The Nature of Mathematics, and so far I have enjoyed the class. We have studied the background information of mathematical concepts and abstract ideas. I have begun to realize that in order to keep from losing your head in that class, you must simply accept what the professor says as complete truth, even if your logic screams otherwise.
This idea of just dropping all of your logic to better understand the class has shown me what my problem was with math all of these years.
As I've probably touched on before, I rely heavily on logic and reasoning, I cannot let it go, and as you can see: I solved my math failure problem. I'd call that a good day.