Nothing Really

I'd like to start out this post by thanking The Decemberists for their new album The King Is Dead. It is wonderful and it is putting me in the absolute best mood right now. I highly suggest you download it right now. Regardless of your musical preferences.

There isn't anything in particular I would really like to write about right now. I just feel like writing. We just finished exams and I'm enjoying a night of 'me time' because we don't have school tomorrow. It has been kind of a crazy week with exams and studying accompaied by practicing and preparing for my audition this weekend. Other random things have been tossed into the mix, such as snow storms, getting hit by a bus, and senior pictures. Yeah I said hit by a bus, but it is definately not as bad as it sounds. Well anyway, this 'me time' is well deserved and necesary. It is kind of crazy to think I'll be doing my first audition in short two days. I have been told about the nerves, stress and excitement that comes with these things and it always just seemed so far off. So did senior year, turning 18, graduating and college... But that all is too soon for me to be comfortable with. Handing out senior pictures, although a bit early in the year, has been a strange experience as well.

So the usual topics, I got stress, school and music covered along with some senioritis and nostalgia. I don't really have anyone I'm too interested in to write about, or anyone who is 'significant' Nothing too catastrophic or life-altering has happened recently. Life is just happening, the exact way it is supposed to. A few small suprises here and there, but mostly routine simplistic living. I'm content with this right now. I know if I wish for excitement, trauma is headed my way. I enjoy the relaxation that accompanies routines though, it is a nice break from all the change and stress. Thank you God for the life you've given me, as it unfolds all around.

P.S. random thought, but I LOVE when I go through and spell-check my posts and NOTHING pops up as misspelled, I am so proud of myself right now.

Week 7: Someone you wish you could meet.

Goodness, there is quite the extensive list of people I'd like to meet. I love meeting people and there are so many people I appreciate, admire and have curiosities about. There are also those people who I would like to meet because it would be cool to say I did....

Andrew Bird
Matt Berninger
Albus Dumbledore
John Phillip Sousa
One of the 12 disciples
Zoey Deschanel
Natalie Portman
Christian Bale
Paul Jeanjean
Batman
Joan of Arc
Colin Meloy
Helena Bonham Carter
Glen Miller
J.K. Rowling
President Obama

This group consists of celebrities, leaders of groups I listen to, authors, historical figures, actors, actresses, fictional characters, composers and musicians. They all represent a part of what I love. Music, both listening and playing it. Movies, books, stories, history and government. What a party it would be if these were all included in that guest list. If I ever have that party, I'll invite you all too. Thanks for reading.

The Single Minded Focus

This week is an important one. We have exams to study for, and hopefully pass. I have my first college audition on saturday. I will be practicing constantly, and doing anything I can to prepare myself. I need to get better. I've been sick and continuing to cough, sniff and feel achy all over will hinder me. I thought to myself, what is my one and only goal this week? First the thought came, "To get better!", then I thought, "To pass exams!". Of course the more important one came into mind, "Kick butt on my audition!". I thought further and noted, "Don't over stress!". Ok so the whole one and only goal to focus all energy on idea didn't go so well.... I love to organize, categorize and plan. So I thought, now how can I create a single focus for my week to keep me pepped up and going... Everything can be grouped together under one powerful, exciting and perfect word: Succeed. that is my one and only goal this week is to succeed. I need to get better and not stress out in order to do so. I have multiple things to succeed in, but that is the goal. Bring it on week, I'm taking you down.

Week 6: Your Current Crush

To Whom it may concern,

You're a great guy, you're so incredibly gifted as well. You're going to go far in this world and be amazing at what you do. Your taste in music is spectacular, I feel like anytime we talk about music my horizons are doubled. You're a little bit more outgoing than me, and yet you're quieter than me. I don't get it but you're the perfect balance of fun and chill. I don't know if it will happen, but it would be awesome if we ended up at the same college, I think we'd have fun. I don't know how long this little crush will last, lately they haven't been. But I sorta hope it does. Lets just get through the next few months and see what happens. Maybe we have a future, maybe we don't. Regardless, you've been a great friend.

Exhaustion

I don't know if it is that dreaded return to school from winter break, stress, exams, practicing or a combination of all of that, but I have been exhausted the past week and a half. No matter how much I sleep at night or naps I take, I continue to feel tired and crave sleep. I use the word 'crave' in the most extreme way. There is nothing I want more than to feel rested right now. I honestly look forward to sleeping everyday. I almost want to describe it as aching for relief... I'll let you know when I find it.

Musician's Lull, Like a Writer's Block

As a musician, you will have days where you can play anything, play it fast, expressive and perfect. Why everyday can't be one of those days I don't know, but I'm having the complete opposite today. I've been working on a piece for my auditions and contest for months now, for some reason I can't seem to get a single run, I've hit so many wrong notes it hardly sounds like the same piece and I've reverted back to old habits with rhythms and fingerings. It is so frustrating with my first audition in 14 days and I feel further away from being ready than I did yesterday. What if one of these days happens the day of my audition? I'll be done, I won't get in, let alone get scholarships. These stupid musician's lull days put me in a terrible mood. I could just scream right now.

Week 5: Your Ex-Crush

Ooh, a good old cliche letter, that will be fun. So I am a high school girl, I have liked tons of guys. Time for a list of short anonymous letters? I think so. Let's go with reverse chronological on this one.

1. Ah, you were short lived, probably because of current situations. I only really had feelings for you because of possibility, similar interests, and you led me on.

2. You were just one of those, aw, wouldn't it be nice to date him, sort of deals. You're a cute kid, a nice guy and completely ideal. It's just best we remained friends, plus I don't think you date.

3. Oh goodness, this went on for ages, I am not even going to say it has gone away completely. I just felt like you were the perfect guy for me. I was apparently delusional, yet I could not stay away. I loved spending time with you and talking to you. You're hilarious, smart, and talented. Most of all you were a good friend, I think that was the catch: friend.

4. You're the perfect guy, that is completely it. You are what every girl needs. You're considerate, funny, handsome, endearing, cordial, polite, sociable, smart, talented, you have a great future, you're mature, friendly, a leader, a good listener, you have a good taste in music and you are the ideal guy. You've been my longest crush, and it never really disappears with each new guy, it just gets put into the back of my head because I hardly see you. We should change that.

I could go on longer, but these are the most recent and most important honestly. There will always be a long list, what else would you expect?

Ultimate Comfort

I am big on comfort. Being comfortable is one of my most favorite feelings EVER. My love for comfort probably explains why I love keeping my schedule packed and predictable, and why I hate awkward situations. I am most at peace when I'm comfortable. My favorite way to be comfortable (Which I'm experiencing as I write), is to have the house to myself, listen to some of my favorite indie bands, eat comfort food, put on pajama pants and just think... A lot of time these moments of relaxation and thought turn into my entries. My thoughts just flow with so much ease when I'm comfortable. Maybe it is something to do with the fact that there is nothing demanding my focus when I'm comfortable. I might be having a casual conversation via text or facebook, but otherwise my thoughts have the liberty to wander every which way. I can debrief my day, think about future days or just concepts on my mind. The longer I relax and enjoy comfort, the more developed and in-depth my thoughts grow. Everyone should take some time and by comfortable, it is good for the soul.

Something

There is something...
There is something bothering me and I can't place my finger on it, I can't seem to figure out what it is. There is something that is putting me on edge, making me wonder and worrying me. I just don't know what.
 I have this feeling that something is wrong, something is going to happen, something happened. I have no clue what could be causing this completely irrational feeling. There is nothing extra exciting happening now, recently, or in the near future.
I have to tell myself there is nothing wrong. I can't help but wonder, is this some sort of intuition that something may happen, or did something happen and I subconsciously know about it?
 This feeling completely irks me and I can't push it aside and out of my head.
Maybe something was wrong and I need to go back and think about it. Maybe I have to retrace my mental steps a bit. I'm sure it will take some self-reflection, thinking, and some good music to put my thoughts to rest.

A Brand New Day, Just Like All of the Others

The first entry of the New Year, and I have nothing to write about... I just woke up and have this terrible need to write something. Perhaps it is just in the spirit of new beginnings and such, Everyone else is making resolutions and talking about change, including myself. I already wrote about change. Multiple times even! So why am I drawn to this page with my hands on the keyboard at the ready?

I wrote that top part and took a break... I listened to my current favorite band, The National, and thought for a bit.

I find it interesting that as the sun rises on new years day we look for immediate change, we expect something new and exciting to happen right away. One year ago today I marched in the nations longest famous parade, Pasadena's Tournament of Roses Parade. We played 'A Brand New Day'. It was one of the most exciting and memorable days of my life. I had my big excitement last year. Not every moment of my life is going to be exciting or unexpected. We have to accept the monotony and predictable day-to-day we are all going to have in our lives. Exciting change is good for us, but sometimes we need to slow down and enjoy the comfort of the norm. Regardless of the day that is so similar to yesterday and tomorrow, it still is a brand new day. Yeah I did it, I made a lyrical reference, what more would you expect than my comforting predictable way of writing?