Relief

I just happened to check on my blog this morning and read my last post: "Well I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow. (I can look back to those journal and blog entries too). " (NOV 6) Oops. I was just too tired, too happy, and too relieved to write. In case you hadn't already guessed it, we got a one. After last years terrible experience, we finally got a one. We did AMAZING. I am so proud and excited. Goodness I was nervous and stressed though. It was the most amazing night. After scores were announced we all walked back to the band everyone was cheering and jumping and, yes, crying. I didn't cry as much as I'd thought. I teared up at first but began to cry later. I was laughing and hugging and crying. It was a moment full of love, craziness and happiness. The next day we watched the tape. It was truly amazing. Some of the moves didn't even look physically possible and everything sounded amazing. The last move of the video is where the sobbing I expected earlier came in. The words our center snare, Ashton, said after states while he was bawling went through my head "Its all over, it is all done and over with, we did it and this is it." Then of course they had to show pictures and video from the past trips and I cried even more thinking of the amazing experiences I've had with this marching band.

Other than the obvious happiness, love, and nostalgia I felt after states the most prominent reaction for me was relief. I have been stressed out of my mind the past few weeks. The morning of states I finally cracked. It was bad. There are certain other reasons I was ready for marching band to end. I was tired of pretending to cooperate with certain people and that one was the entire world being taken of my shoulders. I'm going to miss it, but it was time for it to end. I'll always follow the marching tigers but I'm almost excited to sit in the audience and be marveled, stress free.

Content...really?

Every year for the last four years this night is sleepless and nerve racking. I can go back and read journal entries or blogs that I'd written on this very night in years past and its always the same feeling of fear, anxiety, nerves and tension. The night before state contest. I'm writing this on that very night, only for the last time as a Marching Tiger. Its sort of sad, but somewhat relieving. Well the relief won't come until tomorrow is over but still. It is still anxious but not as sad and nostalgic as I'd expected. Tonight was alos our last game in Tiger Stadium. Mr. Sewell had the band encircle the seniors and play Amazing Grace. Sure I teared up, but I always expected to bawl like a baby. I always thought that when marching band was over I'd be so upset and I'd be the one sobbing at ever last. Something about this season has proven otherwise. I am ready for it to end. I'm not happy that it is over, but I'm simply ok with it. Maybe it was the constant tension, anger, frustration, nerves and drama that has me feeling relieved that I will be done soon. Don't get me wrong, senior year has been amazing and so much fun. I've loved marching band so much. Maybe I'm timed just right and am simply ready to be over, because it is time to be over. I wish I knew, and I almost wish I was sad. Well I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow. (I can look back to those journal and blog entries too).
States 2010. wow.

HIT

So much has happened lately as the class of 2011's final season of marching band comes to a close. We've voted and counted Senior Favorites. We've written our Senior Wills. I've read through those who have sent their's in and tonight at practice the seniors and DEADs alone marched the first song. The first 2 months have gone by so fast that I have had no time to stop and notice: We're seniors. This is the final year. This Is It. I read some of the more 'farewell' type Senior Wills written by fellow senior band members and began to cry. I can hardly believe I will soon be leaving my friends, and band directors who have all influenced me so much. At this time I also remembered back to my freshman year. I read the Senior Wills hardly knowing anyone who wrote them and thinking about how far away that year was for me. It was so much closer than I'd thought and now more than ever I want it to be further away. But I'm not completely upset. I am happy and comforted to be standing at the end of this road with my fellow seniors who I have grown to love so dearly. I picutre us all standing in a line, arms around eachother's shoulders, with our younger band mates behind us and in a line between us and the youngins with their hands upon our shoulders'. The directors who have taught us and influenced us to become the amazing group of people we are. Just a silly little illustration but so wonderful and true.

This wonderful, sad and nostalgic reality has hit me and I'm ready to let it motivate me to make the remainder of my time accompanied by the ones I love the absolute best.

Being Upset is Easy.

When you are wronged, your instantaneous reaction is to be upset. That is completely human, you have every right to be upset. Someone wrongs you, you should be upset with them for some time. Eventually, you must find it in yourself to be forgiving, forget it, and move on. Knowing when it is time to do so is another story completely but the time does come. Getting over it seems like the best thing, it means the problem is over. The process, though, is much harder than being upset. Being upset is just how you feel and want to feel and if feels good to just let it all out and complain. Getting over something and moving on takes hard, mature work. You have to think about what happened, confront the problem, fix broken friendships, and mend hurt feelings. Here comes that good ole' 'Easier isn't always better' lesson. It'd be nice to just be upset until you run out of steam, but that is what children do. By being upset and letting someone who wronged you upset you is only making it a problem.

"He who angers you, conquers you" - Elizabeth Kenney. The right thing to do, and what will benefit you in the end is the hard thing to do: Move on.

What Music Means to Me

It is mind boggling how much music can affect you. There are so many ways it will change your mood or what you think about. Certain songs bring up memories. If you remember something significant happening at the time a song was played that song brings up those memories. If there was an inside joke about a song or someone that song reminds you of you are filed with the same emotions those memories hold for you. I can listen to a song from an ensemble I was a part of and just hearing it reminds me of those I sat or marched near to. The things that were said, and they way I felt. I can imagine the relief, nerves, affection and enjoyment like I played the song yesterday. I can remember the exact way I felt at the time about everything.

Burried Feelings Overturned

The best way to completely change how you feel about someone is to burry and forget them and eventually they will go away on their own. When someone leaves and you aren't constantly reminded of those feelings the process is even easier. You don't see them, talk to them  or interact with them so you forget how you felt and move on with your life. All progress is lost, however, when the person returns. You miss the person regardless of burried feelings and you'd think you're happy to see them. At first you are happy to see them, but then the memories, thoughts, old feeling that you hid away and had forgotten come flooding back. It hurts, its like feeling all of the old feelings, good and bad, all at once. It is completely overwhelming. You miss them and want them back in your life and at the same time you want them to stay away and be gone forever. Overwhelmingly painful desires or easy but equally as painful seclusion..

Coming Soon

I have taken a leave from this blog and my writing. I want to write, I wish I could write and have the urge to write all the time. I just have no life at this point in the year and probably won't until after January. I apologize and I will write as soon as I find the free time. Stay tuned....

A Perfect Moment

Last night the band traveled to Zanesville in hopes of qualifying for State Contest. We did just that, and more. 

     Tyler, Ashley Ezra and I along with Drew and Caliegh all stood in a line waiting as trophies were awarded. We got through class c, class b and class A. Finally they got to class AA, Were were awarded best percussion, the look on our Drew's face was simply priceless, the pride and happiness radiated from him, even though we destroyed that salute. Fourth place AA was announced, then third.... we were surprised not to hear our names. Once second was announced we looked at each other with surprise and excitement. 1st place class AA, Pickerington Central. Pride swelled in our hearts and it was a wonderful moment. We finally got the salute that time and Ashley stepped forward to recieve our shining trophy.

      That night we also won overall best percussion and overall best music. Most importantly we qualified for states. When our first place and qualification was announced it was a wonderful and perfect moment. We were clear across the field from the rest of the band, but we still felt the happiness and heard the cheers as loud as if we were immersed in the sea of purple and white. After last weeks disappointment, this was relief, happiness, surprise, excitement and love. Moments like this we share with our directors, parents and fellow band members make you realize how much you love the people around you. The people we work with, play with, have fun, cheer, cry and succeed with.

     After all scores and awards were announced and the contest came to a close we headed towards our smiling directors, trophies in hand. As we made our way over the song 'Time of your Life' by Greenday played over the loud speaker. The chorus was perfect:

 "Its something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life."

      Mr. Sewell looked so proud and happy. Mr. Joy walked towards us with the biggest smile on his face, arms open wide, hugging each of us as we arrived at the n-zone. Mr. Gorgas usually serious and quiet was beaming and hugged the Drew and each of the directors told us how proud they were. With how much they do for us seeing them relieved, proud, and happy was more reward than any shiny trophy.

     We continued on with the directors back to the cheering hugging band members. As we neared them we held the trophies in the air and cheered, they followed suit and we were greeted by hugs and cheers, some even kissed the trophies. From the time we won the awards to being reunited with our band was simply a perfect moment in time. It seemed there was not a thing wrong with the world.

We still have a long road ahead of us, but this perfect moment will fuel us with motivation and love for each other.

Drama is Poison

When you are part of a tight-knit group or family, being broken apart by something like drama can be detrimental to your purpose and soul. In the Marching Tigers, we have 200 members and there are people who do not like each other and people who do. That is expected. As a band we need to learn to put aside anything that is causing us to not get along aside.

Poison can be suprisingly fast. When it enters a body it spreads with each stressful beat of the heart, spreading further and further doing more and more damage to the body. If it is notstopped poison eventually destroys the body killing the soul and life that once inhabited it.

Drama works exactly the same way. Something happens between two people who are members of the band, more people get involved who really should not, and it spreads to lines, sections, rehearsals and eventually it will damage something very important to the band, such as a rating.

At a first look you would not expect drama to have anything to do with good rehearsals, but it absolutely does. When you do not get along with someone you do not work well and the band as a whole does not work well. We even get worse as the drama insues. Also, it is a common misconception that what you do outside of band functions doesn't matter. Absolutely worng. The choices you make when you're not with the band (or with the band for that matter) reflect on the band itself, as band students we are under a scope, that is just how it is. That is something we all need to understand: what you do affects 200+ people who are your family.

I said I would keep you updated, and no we did not qualify. We recieved a II rating. We will have to go out again this weekend and try and qualify. There is no way we will qualify unless this drama is stopped. There are too many situations that are affecting too many people. It is doing so much harm to our directors, friendships and most importantly, the band. As members we should all care about our success and one another. We go through a lot together. We deal with stress, worry, nerves and even exciting fun times.

Each of us needs to take some time and think about what is happening to our band. We need to realize that what we gain from drama is no where near as important as doing our best and qualifying for state. Mr. Sewell is right, we are a family, families do not just stop being families and stop working together just because of some disagreements, they learn to put them aside for the betterment of the family. This needs to happen for the sake of our family, especially the father figures, our directors. They do so much for us, the least we can do is work hard and TOGETHER for them.

Repeating Fears are Joined by New Ones

I remember writing a blog a little less than a year ago about what happened last year at OMEA State Marching Band competition, when we ended the legacy created before us by many years of Pickerington Central band members. In the days before that competition I remember being scared out of my mind as to what would happen. We had barely even qualified for the competition, we weren't supposed to go, we were then forced to go. Our only option was to do our best. We fell apart and I can remember very vividly the voice of the OMEA announcer, " Pickerington Central Marching Band, your overall band rating is....TWO!" I felt awful, I'm sure my feelings reflected everyone else's.
Now I sit here, the morning of the first competition of my senior year, full of fear. In the past few days the band has begun to fall apart. There has been fighting, complaining, drama and lack of hard work. We're all tired and stressed and it has resulted in some terrible rehearsals. Although it was used as a negative reinforcement tactic, our director said yesterday, "When you get a two tomorrow..." It was like a cold bucket of water being poured onto me. Then after rehearsal, I can hardly step into the band room without someone teling me, you're too slow, you're too fast, you need to watch center, you need to keep your tempo, you need to watch the percussion. It is extrememly scary and great pressure to know that if you mess up, it can cause the entire band to mess up.
I guess we're known to work miracles when we're put under that light and that pressure. Somehow when the white pants go on, the plumes up and the stadium lights hit us, we show who we really are. That's all we can hope for tonight. I will keep you all posted.