How can I succumb to the need to write, with nothing at all to say?

I just spent two hours in an awful marching band warm up in the pouring rain. I experienced sadness, thrill, accomplishment and a torrential down-pour. I'm now happily sitting in warm dry clothes at my desk and I simply have the urge and the need to write. I'm not sure why this feeling has just come upon mte, but its here. Today was a simple school day. It was long and boring. We went to the football game. It was senior night so we watched each of our seniors be introduced. They listed each activity they were involved in. These lists were quite extensive... We then sat in the rain played some pep tunes. Athalf time, I got to play the clarinet solo due to illness in my secition (yes, the swine has infected the clarinets). I was so excited and I got it right this time! It was quite exhilerating. We were given the choice to leave or stay at the game. Our director didn't want us to get sick. Many people left, my group of friends were mostly invited to go get ice cream. Each of them were invited in front of me... I'm sure that I wasn't purposely left out. Just, unthought of? I don't know I'm probably just over reacting, but it seems that when my friends hang out with some of the seniors they know, I'm forgotten... I know they still love me and are still the greatest friends I could ask for. Its just frustrating. Its like I'm the toy they used to play with but I'm no longer fun. They've found better toys to play with and I'm just left in the bottom of the toy bin...Forgotten. I hate to leave you with this depressing thought but I have no positive ones to drive it out... I appologize.

Feeling an Irrelevant Excitement

While today wasn't too incredibly exciting, and there's nothing extraordinary to look forward to in the next few days I feel as though I've experienced something spectacular or know of a grand future. I feel the way I do after a great time with friends or before a big exciting trip. Why I feel the way I do, I don't know. Its inexplicable and so....irrelevant. Excitement doesn't fit into today or days to come, and yet its here. It makes me wonder, did I forget about something but I know I should be excited? Am I mistaking excitement for worry? Does my body know something I don't? Being eager about something is generally a good feeling. On the other hand, The mystery as to whats behind this perplexing sensation is bothering me to a great extent. Hopefully my emotion's origin will be made clear to me.

Listening to: 1901 by Phoenix

Dear Pickerington,

I was talking with a friend who I haven't hung out with in some time on the way back from homecoming and he said something along the lines of, "I would be perfectly content with never leaving pickerington." I thought about how I feel about this town that I've called my "hometown" for 9.5 years now. I simply love being here. My friends here mean the world to me. Our school is great. My church. The Marching Band.... Its all parts of what make pickerington my home. I had a fantastic time with my friends tonight. We sat in Culver's past closing laughing so hard our sides throbbed. With it being my junior year and high school, I'm over halfway done. I have less time with some of the people I love than I've spent with them so far. Its a truly saddening thought. I really take the great times we have for granted. I hope to keep in touch with as many people as possible, but I know that college takes away your time, your time for catching up with old friends. I'd love to live here in little old pickerington after college, but what if its not the same. I wonder if the only reason I love it here so much is because my friends are here with me, I'm in the great school. I'm part of my church and the marching bad that will probably not be as great down the road... I can only hope that after I graduate college and come back to this place I call my home that I can just pick up where I'd left off and continue enjoying my life in good old pickerington...

Bittersweet..

I'm supposed to be happy, and I am happy... I'm not just happy though. I have other feelings. These feelings are absolutely separate from the joy I feel. I love having a reason to be happy. I just hate these moments where you have a fantastic reason to be happy and everyone around you is happy, but there's something that upsets only you. This thing doesn't impinge on anyone else but you. I just wish that I could be happy and be nothing else but happy. Just for a little while. But of course there is always something standing in my way. If only I could just lock those things to the deep dark depths of my mind so they don't perturb me any longer. Unfortunately I'm forced to think about everything good and bad, persistently...

Another Average Tuesday.

The weather has jumped from awful heat to weather that requires a bit more layering. I actually enjoy the change. Its a nice feeling to stand out on the practice field for marching band and fell the cold air blow by in large gusts. I love wearing jeans and hoodies. Most of all. I love not sweating in my uniform on friday nights! Its a great feeling. For my Thematics class I have to create a 3D star that reflects me. I decided to make it out of cardboard and post pictures and symbols representing me and covering it in metallic paint and tin foil. Kind of an "Artistic" take on the project. well the last few days have been pretty great.

And it all began...

Well, I started a video blog, Vlog if you will, but I just never seem to have time to record, edit and post them. I decided to go with a plain and simple written blog. I can do this while getting ready for school, sitting in my pajamas or while watching Glee. Much more simple and I can be much more consistent. I will still occasionally post more videos but I will always be bloggin' it up!

Listening To: All Is Love - Karen O and The Kids