I'm Ready for Destiny: Looking Forward

I've sat through rehearsals listening to the words over and over :
 " Here I go, And there's no turning back. My great adventure has begun. I may be small But I've got giant plans To shine as greatly as the sun. I will blaze until I find my time and place. I will be fearless, Surrendering modesty and grace. I will not disapear without a trace. I'll shout and start a riot Be anything but quiet. Christopher Columbus I'll be Astonishing Astonishing, Astonishing..." (Astonishing, Little Women the Musical)

I've always worried about what I'll grow up to be, should I follow my dreams, or do what society tells me to do? Should I do what will give me money or what I love? I've thought and though so much, but I know now, I need to do what my heart and God tell me to do. Follow my love and passion. How can one truly be succesful in something without a passion for it? Sure a business woman makes tons of money, but if she doesn't love it, she won't do a good job and therefor will not earn all that money and have no succes, and most importantly...No happiness. I want to grow up and be happy and thats my plan from now on. To do what i believe is right, not society or others. Sure I'll take opinions into account, but it is I who makes my own decisions. I need to grow up and be independent. I've always been reliant on friends and family. Its my time to dream and chase that dream until it is mine.

Rethinking things

Its been a long and boring saturday, but it has also given me lots of tme to think. That last post was sort of a venting session about this latest situation, but after long hard thought I think my mood has changed about this whole predicament.
 I don't know if this is the TOO nice person in me letting someone walk all over me or not, but I've decided that that person was only lying to me so as to not hurt my feelings. Or at least I assume and hope that was why. I really thought highly of them, so I hope they were only doing what they believed to do the right thing. Whether or not I confront them about this, I don't know. Perhaps I'll take the chance if it presents itself. I feel as though I should express my hurt and disappointment but I don't know if its the right choice. Maybe I should just go on acting as though everythings ok. It'll be hard but less awkward and maybe we can fix things. I hope so.
I didn't think I wanted things to be fixed at first, but I was blinded by pain and anger. When I truly think about it, this person sort of deserves a second chance and I want them in my life...

Guys, Lies and the Element of Suprise.

I hate being lied to, I absolutely cannot stand it. What makes being lied to worse, is when you're lied to by someone you trust and don't ever expect to lie to you.

As I've said before I rarely share stories with real names or situations so not to 'bash' anyone via internet so I've written a little fictional story that explains how I feel right now.

Imagine you call up a friend and ask them to see a movie with you. You really want to see this movie with them and have been thinking about it for a while. They say that it is a stupid movie and would rather not go. Sure you're not very happy but its no big deal. The next day you find out that that friend went right after you called with another person to see that very movie they deemed stupid.

(now remember, I'm going to keep speaking about this situation as though it were the movie metaphor but thats not really the case. The real story is on a larger scale than some silly movie)

First off, is that really worth lying about? I'm not crazy, I'm not going to blow up at you if you had simply said that you wanted to go to the movie with someone else. You know we spend lots of time with all these people, I was going to find out sooner or later, it was honestly not a smart move on your part.

The part of this situation that really confuses me is that the friend who called the movie stupid isn't someone I'd expect this out of. There are the jerks you know that you just expect them to pull things like this, and you think nothing of. When someone who is usually thought to be trustworthy, a good friend and a person of integrity does something like this, the element of suprise hurts just as much as the lie itself. Ah, its just frustrating...

Build Up

Oh Boy, what a leave of absence! Due to a problem with the power-supply in my lap top, I have been without a computer for a few weeks. There have been so many instances where I've felt the need to blog throughout this unplugged time. I had no way of feeding those urges, it was quite frustrating. But I'm back for good, my dad found me a new laptop that I love.

I'm going to have to go with a list format to organize myself. So many times having to keep my thoughts for later means lots of different things to discuss.

1. This weather is wonderful! Spring has finally arrived. The sun is out, its warming up and birds are singing. I love being able to drive with my windows downa and stereo playing. My happiness level has dramatically increased simply due to the slight warmth.

2. Things have truly been looking up for me. The weather is wonderful. Many stressors have left my life. People just seem to be happier. My friends and everything are back to normal. We got a one at districts. I've got some money and new clothes. Prom is coming up.

3. Unfortuneately I have to post a not so happy thought. I don't understand how it always happens that there is a girl who ruins everything for you. You like someone, and he ends up liking her. You achieve something and she achieves the same thing or higher. She beats you to anything you aim for. Yeah, I have one of those.

Well theres a short update. I'll hopefuly be writing more often now that I have access to the blog all the time.