Missing Your Chance

It is the worst feeling that there is. You miss your chance and as soon as you know it, all the excitement for taking that chance is converted into disappointment and frustration. You wish you could do it all over and take that chance. You think of all the things you could have done differently. You become angry with yourself for missing that chance. Being so close just hurts that much more because you know that things easily could have been different. You become curious as to how things would be if you had taken that chance...Longing for that outcome seems to consume you.

Intense Writer's Block = Thinker's Block

Throughout the past few days I have had this extreme need to write out my feelings and thoughts, but I cannot seem to come up with anything. I know the exact topic of it all; I understand how I feel but only in my head. I cannot put it into words at all. I have had writers block, and just don't know what to write about. This is completely different. It is as though I can hardly make sense of my own thoughts. There is a battle of feeling raging inside of me. I tell myself I need to feel one way and stash away old feelings, but I am human and cannot help it. I wonder things that only make things worse and dream of things happening that destroy all attempts to extinguish silly feelings. Let’s just delete everything in my head and start over. That just seems easier to me.

My Thoughts Could've Inspired Lyrics

One of my good friends got me on this Rascal Flatts/ semi-country kick. It is so strange because before I always expressed my hatred everytime a country song came on, it just so happens that one song explains my thoughts better than I can....

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don’t bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I’m doin’ It

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That’s what I was trying to do

There are countless lines in this song that just make me think, "EXACTLY!!" in my mind evertime I hear them through the stereo in my car. That good friend who got me started on this rode home with me yesterday, we both had reasons to just let it out and cry. It was a good cry, it was relieving and she went ahead and put this song on my stereo. It was perfect, I think Rascal Flatts is in my head singing my thoughts back to me. The past few days have been rough. Watching those I've become so close with succeed and leave...Graduation was yesterday, and there a quite a few graduates I'm not certain I will ever see again. You may wonder what that song and graduation have to do with eachother, but I'm just going to leave them together for my own sake, because it hurts, being so close, I really had and still have so much to say, I watched someone walk away and I don't think they saw that what I was trying to do was....well you can assume the rest.