All Eggs in One Basket= Bad Decision...

I'm taking a somewhat new outlook on that statement. Normally people think of opportunities, jobs, or work ethic when they hear the phrase "don't put all of your eggs into one basket!" I'm taking it in a different context: Friends.

I drove home musicless due to a lack of radio today and was flooded with emotion. Sometimes I feel so alone, like I don't have a friend in the world. I've got friends sure, but no really good go to anytime good 'ole sleepover girlfriends. I thought to myself, 'this is what they mean with the whole egg/basket saying' You spend all of your time and love on a few really great amazing friends and when they fade away, what do you have left? No one... I am left to start my senior year with what seems like no friends. I spent my entire summer with my sisters. There is nothing wrong with that, my sisters are great, but everyone needs non-related friends in their life. It especially sucks when most friday nights you are at home, doing nothing at all. You hear of crazy fun adventures others have, including your freshman sisters who hang out with your friends more than you do. It just is a painful and lonely feeling I can't even stand. I'm sure once the business of school and applications and auditions begins I will feel less of this because I simply won't have time to. But what do I have? Work, School, Music... and thats it. Maybe I'm just being silly and I just feel like I should be super popular and have lots of friends, but I don't need to... But I shouldn't feel this lonely, there is no way that this is normal.... All my eggs are gone and I'm just left with empty baskets walking on broken egg shells.

You're gonna miss this...

Today a friend and I went through some yearbooks and other memory filled items. Thoughts of those who have gone before me and were the upperclassmen I looked up to and learned from passed through my head. I miss many of the oldest graduates who were the seniors and juniors my freshman year. I know how much I already miss and am going to miss those who just graduated. There are many that just knowing I won't see them for quite some time saddens me. Its just strange not having them around and I'm so used to seeing them. I guess I just took waking up to those I love each morning at school for granted. And now, it has come back to bite me. I miss people so much more than I ever thought I could miss someone.

All this thought about the people in the past I miss got me thinking about the future. I can only hope that I will be missed and remembered as I do these people. I hope that there is someone like me who will think about me when I'm gone and miss the things I had done. I guess I just want to leave a legacy. Nothing completely epic nescisarily. Just my prescence being memorable would be enough. Perhaps I won't be missed the same way I miss people now, but I want me being leaving making a difference. To someone.

Feelings lost...

No this isn't another blog about me feeling lost sometimes or alone.. Take the words in a completely different contex.. My feelings are what is mixed up and lost. I felt one way, very strongly, about someone. They were negative feelings. To sort out negative feelings I usually talk to people, or if its noticeable they talk to me... What a person says can really have a big impact on you and change how you feel. But what if one person who confronts you turns your feelings around one direction and another who you talk to turns them back around. These people aren't purposely toying with me, but its so confusing. I need to find out how I feel regardless of others influences in this situation... unfortuneately there are others involved so its a bit more complicated... It'll just take time I assume, as do most things...