Discrepancy

We all get friendships. A friend is someone who is there for you, you enjoy their company, spend time with, talk to, laugh with, trust, respect and love a certain way. We all have friends and some have what they consider "best friends". Some have a circle of close knit friends, while others have many friends that they do not truly know.

Relationships are also quite common to those young and old. In high school there are boyfriends and girlfriends, later in life, husbands and wives. There relationships are defined by a more physical and emotional commitment. You have the same trust, respect, enjoyment as a friend but there is something deeper in the way you feel towards that person. By saying you are their 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' you commit to that deeper part of the relationship with them and only them. The same goes for marriage, except that is life bonding. (Should be that is)

Now it seems like there is a basic fundamental line between being in a relationship and a friendship, but it seems there is such an in between state, but is it ok? Let us call it 'relationship x'. You do not quite have a relationship but you are definitely more special than just friends. There is commitment, but loose commitment. The commitment is there mostly because you cannot imagine hurting the other. Relationship x lacks the publicity of a real relationship, whether it be on purpose or by chance.

The way you love someone in this 'relationship x' will show which side of the problem you are coming from. If you love them the same way you love your best friend, you see the relationship as an EXTREMELY strong friendship, and generally fear it becoming anything more. If you love that person in a romantic unconditional way, then you see the relationship as a hopeful future commitment.

Now everything is fine and dandy if both parties see this special in-between relationship the same way. It is when there is a misunderstanding or discrepancy that problems arise. One friend falls for another and that is when all emotional turmoil is released. Feelings are hurt, hopes are crushed, worries constantly hinder the mind, fighting happens. Because of all of the results of discrepancy in relationship x, only the strong can survive there. Those who's relationship is strong enough and both parties involved are strong enough can last through this state of relational being. Those who are not strong enough allow one party to settle on one side of the fence or another, leaving someone and eventually both people unhappy.

Communication, Change, Credence

Everything happens for a reason. Certain things happening are God's way of communicating with us, teaching us a lesson, or guiding us in the right direction. While you may seem upset about something, and emotions run high and pain cuts deep, finding meaning and a message through painful change is what makes you a better person.

As I near the final days of high school, so much change is happening, and more on top of that. Being a scheduled and organized person, I hated change. If it was not in the 'routine' I would freak out and not accept it. I think God has used the many changes in my life to communicate that change is good, and starting anew in the next chapter of my life is a good thing. I have no need to be sad. He has used inspiration through others and situations among some to place a few realizations in my life and I could not be more appreciative.

Change can absolutely be scary. Not knowing what happens next, how to handle the next situation, not understanding the massive amount of emotions swelling in your heart. Change is stressful, trying to cope and make smooth transition is a difficult thing. Faith is necessary to make it through change. A leap of faith may be better than creating a 'smooth' transition in change. Change is hard to understand, but finding the purpose in change helps.

Credence is another word for purpose, meaning, or reason. I just needed another 'C' word for the title (thank you thesaurus.com). Finding that purpose and meaning in all of the change is what makes the pain and emotion worthwhile. Even the simple fact of knowing there is reason for pain or change, even without knowing what that is, is comforting. Finally connecting the many changes and understanding, or what I think is understanding is the most refreshing, comforting feeling of relief I may have ever felt in my entire life. I am happy.

The Missing 'to-do'

I have spent my day getting things done and going about my usual routine, and yet, something seems wrong. I have checked my 'to-do' list twice and everything that can be done this evening is finished. I have practiced all afternoon, I do not have any homework, what could be left? I feel like something needs done, but I cannot put my finger on it. Something about my day feels incomplete. I think back and I have completed every part of my routine, I left nothing out. This inexplicable feeling is not a great one to have. Hopefully I figure it out and do whatever needs done...

Reality Slap in the Face

61

Think about that number. It seems like a pretty big number when you talk about how many pairs of shoes you own, or in comparison to the number 4. Now think of the number in terms of dollars or days. That makes the number 61 seem so small and insignificant.

For a while I have been saying that graduation seems so far away and I cannot wait. Today it hit me that having only 61 days left is startling. I have a short 61 days to live out anything I ever wanted to do in high school, to have the luxury of waking up and seeing the people I love. I have 61 days until I am no longer under the shelter of being a student. I know I do not really gain much responsibility by graduating, but it is just that feeling though. I have to wonder, am I ready? Have I done all that I wanted to do? I started out the year thinking, "oh, I'm going to be that girl who cry at every last...", then I changed and caught senioritis. Now, I'm back to dreading the idea of it all being over. There are people I cannot stand the idea of leaving. It is going to be so hard. I am excited for the future, but I just want to hold on a little bit longer. 61 days does not seem long enough to make the best of what I have left. But I will try to make the best of it.

Lack of Patience

I am the post impatient person. I want immediate results, I do not like to wait around, and waiting is the most frustrating and aggravating thing to me. The fact that I have to wait for my mouth to heal so I can play my clarinet is driving me insane. Waiting for financial information from colleges is obnoxious to me. Worst of all, after choosing to do something a certain way, or handle a problem, I cannot stand the idea of waiting to see if what I did was the right thing. I wish as soon as I make a decision either a giant buzzer would go off telling me 'BEEP YOU ARE WRONG!', or confetti would burst out of no where telling me, 'Correct!'. I know it is stupid, but I am impatient, that is one of my endless list of flaws. More of those to come.

Problems

How do you find solutions to life's problems? It has always just happened before. I always seemed to stumble upon the solution, figure it out with ease, or just move on because the problem became insignificant to me. How do you know if a problem is even worth solving? How do you know that the process of finding a solution and fixing things is not going to be harder than the problem itself? I have never really been stuck with no idea how to solve something. There are some options, but none of them seem right. How do you know a solution is the right one? Do you really have to try in and just wait, hoping and praying that you chose correctly? Is there no way to solidify your decision. A process of elimination maybe? What if the answer as to whether a solution was a good one or not doesn't come for ages? Then the possibility of being wrong eats away at you constantly for such a long time. I guess that is how you know if a problem is worth solving, if the solution and finding it really bothers you that much.

 I guess this is all how you learn from new experiences. Just making a decision to fix something a certain way, if it doesn't work, you know not to do that next time. Too bad it could just ruin everything forever.