It Has Been Far Too Long...

I have taken a break from writing (excluding the post a few days ago), well it has been more than a break, it has been a full blown long period of neglect. The end of my high school career, including many events taking place in celebration, came and went and I hardly said a thing of it. It was a stressful month or two, resulting in bronchitis and lack of sleep. It was all well worth it in the end.

Now, my plan isn't just to update the 'ole blog, but to start it up again. It is summer time, I do not have much to do, and I want to at least be semi-productive. I also feel the need for a creative and intellectual outlet again. Something I've missed lately.

To kick off my 'new beginning' I'm just going to post random thoughts that have been on my mind, nothing I will really elaborate on, just things to jot down and maybe pull out on a rainy day. And it is sort of a jump back to the old routine, writing in list form again ;)

1. Learning about yourself can be more interesting than any subject. Not in a vain way, saying that one should believe they are more interesting than someone else, but when you learn something about yourself you are learning and realizing something that has been true all along and right in front of you. The revealing of that one thing can be mind-boggling.
2. Type A personalities, such as myself, really need to take time to learn and relax. I couldn't handle a week of nothing but going to the beach, but it would be good for me if I could.
3. Voices of reason are all around us, in other people. It is extremely hard to know which to listen to. One voice of reason people often overlook is themselves, such as the warnings they give themselves. The one voice you can always know to listen to, and therefor can be used to compare all other 'voices of reason' to is none other than God. And boy, does that make things easier when you learn to just listen.
4. When you do the right, but most difficult, thing in a situation it is so painful, we all know that. The feeling that comes after that pain is what is so rewarding. You feel empowered, relieved, stronger, wiser and that you've learned something and grown from that experience. It challenges you to keep your eyes open for the harder but better choices in all situations.
5. Before, I always thought new beginnings, changes, and being away from home was the scariest thing I could imagine, but as college draws closer and I only know 3 other people going to the same school, I could not be more excited. I am actually thrilled by the fact that I am going to be finding a new group of friends and starting over. I have some of the greatest friends in the entire world now, and they have really made me who I am today but I am ready for the next chapter. This feeling of readiness has made the drifting of some friendships and complete breaking of others alright for me. I am at peace with what has happened and is happening because I am actually okay with the transition.
6. As you change, you surprise yourself. In continuation of thought 5, I never ever thought that I would be good with change. I thought that would be a problem I would always have, but I have really surprised myself with how content I am in this change. I am relieved that I feel so prepared, I did not want to struggle with all the change going on around me. I hope that is a sign of growing up and not just lack of caring.

I will hopefully write more, and hopefully gain some more habitual readers. I'd really appreciate feedback. If you don't want to comment you can always email me too. seshively@insight.rr.com

An Over-Used Metaphor: The Roller Coaster of Life

The metaphor has been used billions of time: "Life is like a roller coaster, it has ups and downs, low points and high points, etc.", but it is interesting how this same metaphor can be used in much more specific aspects when thinking over life concepts. It is pretty neat how the way to describe something can be revealed to you in the idea and psychology of a theme park ride.

For me, roller coasters have not always been 'okay', I used to be mortified and would not ride a single one. I have finally gotten over that fear and will ride NEARLY all of them. There are certain 'hills' I just cannot seem to get myself over. The slight fear of heights and uncomfortable feeling of going uphill may do the trick. The thoughts going through one's head throughout the entire ride do a good job of putting into perspective the idea of fear.

 For me, the long line leading up to a ride I have not ridden in a while or at all begins to psych me out, but I feel comfortable because you can back out at any point, you are still in control. Sure you might get laughed at for chickening out, but you are not at the mercy of the coaster just yet. The closer you get the more nervous you get due to the closing window of escape, yet that window seems more and more tempting. Once you have entered the station and sit down in the car, buckle the seat belt and wait to be slowly dragged up the treacherous chain hill you are at the point of no return and that is when fear hits a high point. I become on edge, I require that my riding partner talks to me the entire way up the hill to distract me from my increasing fear and discomfort. Once the hill is over and the train is sent plummeting towards the earth and twisted and flipped every direction I am able to fully enjoy the ride and adrenaline rush that comes along.

I would consider myself a mental and emotional claustrophobic, I need to always have an escape route or plan b. I need to feel in control of myself and the situation at hand. That, not only on rides, but in life is what psychs me out. Conquering fear takes getting over that first hill. It may be good for some to just get over all fear at once and do it, but I have found that slowly testing my tolerance levels have been a better method of enjoying rides. Some hills I am just not ready to get over yet, and it is the same way in life. I am just not ready to get over some of those fears yet, I have tried and will continue to test tolerance levels and inch towards buckling down and sticking it out for adrenaline and excitement hiding behind that tormenting, steep, stressful, hill.