I've opened this page, stared at the blank text box and closed it about seven times now... I have a heavy feeling to write something, but I cannot seem to put what I want to say in words. The only words I can think of sound too extreme for how I feel, but it is all I have. I guess what I am trying to say is take how I describe my feelings lightly, it is not quite as severe as it sounds, but here I go...
I am a pretty easy going person, I can have a good time with just about anyone. There are definitely those people who just get on my last nerve, but i can usually handle it. Not only can I have a good time with just about anyone, I can have a really great time with my usual group of friends that I am beyond comfortable with. They are so much fun on all occasions. I have been having great times with them and still do, but something is just different. While I am having a wonderful time and enjoying myself, I feel like I do not belong, I actually feel alone in a crowd of people. I don't even know where this comes from but that is how things have become. I guess it could be that I am in a transition period from the same people all of the time to beginning again with a whole new group of friends and the fact that I am so comfortable with this leaves me uncomfortable with the old. I still like being around them and crave to do so more often, but as they grow closer (and will continue to do so), I drift.
I am about ninety percent sure this all has do with change. We are changing direction, as people we are changing and therefor our friendships are changing. I have gone through this before, change is difficult but good. I feel like I know that well enough now I should not even notice the difficulty of change, but here I am again. I will enjoy my time with friends as much as possible in the short amount of time I have left, and still have great times. I can only hope that this feeling of loneliness subsides.
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