Memory

I know I have sort of written on the subject of memory, but more connected to the sense of smell. However, I want to write again, because memories are such a fascinating idea and seem to play a big part in my thinking and life.

Being home after living at school for a year is almost stranger than living alone for the first time. Sure, I know I came home on occasion throughout the school year, but now that I have been home for a few weeks, I have noticed memories popping up more and more. I have found that nearly every place I am has a significant memory linked to it. I can remember conversations I had at certain restaurants, special moments by a certain tree, events at people's houses, there are even moments of sadness or pain I can remember where I feel uncomfortable being somewhere. The fact that my life is completely different, and yet I am back to living in places of memories but not living life the way I was when those memories took place creates an odd feeling for me. Even now sitting in my bed late at night writing on the laptop, because I am writing a blog and not having conversations on Skype as I remember doing so many times just about a year ago seems strange to me.

Now, I have a very good memory, I remember so many details, so memories are very vivid to me. The thing about these memories, because they are so clear in my mind, is that I miss all of them. I miss the silly unimportant things said, the deep conversations, the parties, and even the bad ones. I think this is a sign that I lived and still live a blessed life. If I even miss bad memories because they were part of a good life as a whole, that is proof that God has blessed me with a great life, and continues to do so every day.

Through being home and having so many memories brought up I have begun to do some exploring of those memories and life throughout the past two years or so. It has led me to come to conclusions about things that were nothing but confusion then. I have been able to really come to a place of understanding and peace about so many different things that I had experienced. It has been the most freeing thing for me. I was able to come through to this state of mind through writing. I sat down one day and just decided to relive and document my current reactions to my life for the past two years or so. It was magnificent how it flowed effortlessly. Things that had confused me and left me lost for words before were plain and simple to me. I had been praying for peace as things had been resting heavy on my heart and God gave that to me through a talent and activity I enjoy, and with how I feel right now as a result I do not know if I have ever been so thankful. God Is So Good.