Pathetic

Lately, I've honestly just felt pathetic. I have no life outside of school. Sure I go to Jazz bad, Orchestra, and youth group. Outside of that, I do nothing. Too many times I find myself sitting at home wondering what to do.


Because free time is sometimes scarce, I often don't know what to do with it, but eventually find things to do. I used to make plans with people all the time. We'd go to movies, have parties or go out to eat. I used to be so busy that I cherished those moments where I could just sit. Now, I dread being bored and feeling sad and pathetic. It finally got to the point where I was sad that orchestra practice was canceled because I know had nothing to do. It’s a little sad when the only thing I have to rely on is school functions and band.

Part of this I think is due to the drift that’s happened in my circle of friends. We've all changed, but not together. We all used to enjoy the same things and be able to simply pick up the phone and make plans. Due to past events, some friends don't get along with others. Also, each friend finds different things that they do for fun. Something one friend does for fun isn't something the others are willing to do whether it’s because of ethics, morals or legality. As I said earlier, we've all changed and sort of grown apart into separate groups now. This unfortunately leaves some of us behind. It’s sad that I don't feel as though I'm able to just pick up the phone and make plans anymore. Most of the time, everyone else already has plans. Sometimes they're exclusive and sometimes they're just plans I don't want any part of.

Maybe this feeling of having nothing to do is a sign that I need to find some new friends or a new hobby even. Both could go hand in hand. I just feel as if things will never be the same, so why sit around wasting my time hoping for the good old days to return? I've just had these friends for so long and done the same things for so long that I'm stuck in this routine. I guess that’s more to write about for another time though.

Perhaps I'll leave this at a”to be continued" due to the subject change.