Conflict

I feel like every influence, thought, and part of my life is in conflict with eachother. It isn't that anything is wrong or bad, but I just feel like I am being told different things. It all mostly relates to this whole college thing. I have gone to many people for advice. I have asked directors, teachers, parents and peers about what they think... Top answers include: Make a pros and cons chart, Go by who has the best _____, I would pick _____, then of course there is the ever so popular: Go with your gut. Well I started out with the pros and cons chart. This was an extremely detailed and organized pros and cons chart of epic proportions. Any category you could think to rate a college on, it was there. I was proud of my work until I added everything up... It wasn't very helpful. Different people told me to base my choice off of different things, and each of those conflicted. One college has my favorite clarinet professer, the other my favorite music program, another has the best price, the other has the best location... and the categories go on and continue to conflict. So the most popular answer... Go with your gut, listen to your heart, trust in your instinct. I am convinced I do not have a gut. There is no organ inside of me that holds unconcious secret truths that I actually know, but don't know I know... Yeah that sounds clear right? Another problem with that decision making process... When did I become a college expert? How do I know where the best place is? I do not exactly feel qualified to be trusted to make the perfect decision. That is just it, whichever college I choose won't be the perfect choice. There is no perfect choice, no matter where I pick, I am going to have reasons I could have and should have picked another college. I will just have to be happy with whatever I end up with and find the positive in that choice. I will be fine once the choice is made and the next chapter starts... but getting there is the hardest part. I probably stress over this more than I should. I have said it before, I am too planned out and organized, I can't handle being spontaneous or living  without my choices and future completely planned out. That is something I am going to need to grow out of... I would be less uptight and less of a perfectionist too.

Gotta love a good Sunday night rant to start the week...