Being Upset is Easy.

When you are wronged, your instantaneous reaction is to be upset. That is completely human, you have every right to be upset. Someone wrongs you, you should be upset with them for some time. Eventually, you must find it in yourself to be forgiving, forget it, and move on. Knowing when it is time to do so is another story completely but the time does come. Getting over it seems like the best thing, it means the problem is over. The process, though, is much harder than being upset. Being upset is just how you feel and want to feel and if feels good to just let it all out and complain. Getting over something and moving on takes hard, mature work. You have to think about what happened, confront the problem, fix broken friendships, and mend hurt feelings. Here comes that good ole' 'Easier isn't always better' lesson. It'd be nice to just be upset until you run out of steam, but that is what children do. By being upset and letting someone who wronged you upset you is only making it a problem.

"He who angers you, conquers you" - Elizabeth Kenney. The right thing to do, and what will benefit you in the end is the hard thing to do: Move on.

What Music Means to Me

It is mind boggling how much music can affect you. There are so many ways it will change your mood or what you think about. Certain songs bring up memories. If you remember something significant happening at the time a song was played that song brings up those memories. If there was an inside joke about a song or someone that song reminds you of you are filed with the same emotions those memories hold for you. I can listen to a song from an ensemble I was a part of and just hearing it reminds me of those I sat or marched near to. The things that were said, and they way I felt. I can imagine the relief, nerves, affection and enjoyment like I played the song yesterday. I can remember the exact way I felt at the time about everything.

Burried Feelings Overturned

The best way to completely change how you feel about someone is to burry and forget them and eventually they will go away on their own. When someone leaves and you aren't constantly reminded of those feelings the process is even easier. You don't see them, talk to them  or interact with them so you forget how you felt and move on with your life. All progress is lost, however, when the person returns. You miss the person regardless of burried feelings and you'd think you're happy to see them. At first you are happy to see them, but then the memories, thoughts, old feeling that you hid away and had forgotten come flooding back. It hurts, its like feeling all of the old feelings, good and bad, all at once. It is completely overwhelming. You miss them and want them back in your life and at the same time you want them to stay away and be gone forever. Overwhelmingly painful desires or easy but equally as painful seclusion..

Coming Soon

I have taken a leave from this blog and my writing. I want to write, I wish I could write and have the urge to write all the time. I just have no life at this point in the year and probably won't until after January. I apologize and I will write as soon as I find the free time. Stay tuned....

A Perfect Moment

Last night the band traveled to Zanesville in hopes of qualifying for State Contest. We did just that, and more. 

     Tyler, Ashley Ezra and I along with Drew and Caliegh all stood in a line waiting as trophies were awarded. We got through class c, class b and class A. Finally they got to class AA, Were were awarded best percussion, the look on our Drew's face was simply priceless, the pride and happiness radiated from him, even though we destroyed that salute. Fourth place AA was announced, then third.... we were surprised not to hear our names. Once second was announced we looked at each other with surprise and excitement. 1st place class AA, Pickerington Central. Pride swelled in our hearts and it was a wonderful moment. We finally got the salute that time and Ashley stepped forward to recieve our shining trophy.

      That night we also won overall best percussion and overall best music. Most importantly we qualified for states. When our first place and qualification was announced it was a wonderful and perfect moment. We were clear across the field from the rest of the band, but we still felt the happiness and heard the cheers as loud as if we were immersed in the sea of purple and white. After last weeks disappointment, this was relief, happiness, surprise, excitement and love. Moments like this we share with our directors, parents and fellow band members make you realize how much you love the people around you. The people we work with, play with, have fun, cheer, cry and succeed with.

     After all scores and awards were announced and the contest came to a close we headed towards our smiling directors, trophies in hand. As we made our way over the song 'Time of your Life' by Greenday played over the loud speaker. The chorus was perfect:

 "Its something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life."

      Mr. Sewell looked so proud and happy. Mr. Joy walked towards us with the biggest smile on his face, arms open wide, hugging each of us as we arrived at the n-zone. Mr. Gorgas usually serious and quiet was beaming and hugged the Drew and each of the directors told us how proud they were. With how much they do for us seeing them relieved, proud, and happy was more reward than any shiny trophy.

     We continued on with the directors back to the cheering hugging band members. As we neared them we held the trophies in the air and cheered, they followed suit and we were greeted by hugs and cheers, some even kissed the trophies. From the time we won the awards to being reunited with our band was simply a perfect moment in time. It seemed there was not a thing wrong with the world.

We still have a long road ahead of us, but this perfect moment will fuel us with motivation and love for each other.

Drama is Poison

When you are part of a tight-knit group or family, being broken apart by something like drama can be detrimental to your purpose and soul. In the Marching Tigers, we have 200 members and there are people who do not like each other and people who do. That is expected. As a band we need to learn to put aside anything that is causing us to not get along aside.

Poison can be suprisingly fast. When it enters a body it spreads with each stressful beat of the heart, spreading further and further doing more and more damage to the body. If it is notstopped poison eventually destroys the body killing the soul and life that once inhabited it.

Drama works exactly the same way. Something happens between two people who are members of the band, more people get involved who really should not, and it spreads to lines, sections, rehearsals and eventually it will damage something very important to the band, such as a rating.

At a first look you would not expect drama to have anything to do with good rehearsals, but it absolutely does. When you do not get along with someone you do not work well and the band as a whole does not work well. We even get worse as the drama insues. Also, it is a common misconception that what you do outside of band functions doesn't matter. Absolutely worng. The choices you make when you're not with the band (or with the band for that matter) reflect on the band itself, as band students we are under a scope, that is just how it is. That is something we all need to understand: what you do affects 200+ people who are your family.

I said I would keep you updated, and no we did not qualify. We recieved a II rating. We will have to go out again this weekend and try and qualify. There is no way we will qualify unless this drama is stopped. There are too many situations that are affecting too many people. It is doing so much harm to our directors, friendships and most importantly, the band. As members we should all care about our success and one another. We go through a lot together. We deal with stress, worry, nerves and even exciting fun times.

Each of us needs to take some time and think about what is happening to our band. We need to realize that what we gain from drama is no where near as important as doing our best and qualifying for state. Mr. Sewell is right, we are a family, families do not just stop being families and stop working together just because of some disagreements, they learn to put them aside for the betterment of the family. This needs to happen for the sake of our family, especially the father figures, our directors. They do so much for us, the least we can do is work hard and TOGETHER for them.

Repeating Fears are Joined by New Ones

I remember writing a blog a little less than a year ago about what happened last year at OMEA State Marching Band competition, when we ended the legacy created before us by many years of Pickerington Central band members. In the days before that competition I remember being scared out of my mind as to what would happen. We had barely even qualified for the competition, we weren't supposed to go, we were then forced to go. Our only option was to do our best. We fell apart and I can remember very vividly the voice of the OMEA announcer, " Pickerington Central Marching Band, your overall band rating is....TWO!" I felt awful, I'm sure my feelings reflected everyone else's.
Now I sit here, the morning of the first competition of my senior year, full of fear. In the past few days the band has begun to fall apart. There has been fighting, complaining, drama and lack of hard work. We're all tired and stressed and it has resulted in some terrible rehearsals. Although it was used as a negative reinforcement tactic, our director said yesterday, "When you get a two tomorrow..." It was like a cold bucket of water being poured onto me. Then after rehearsal, I can hardly step into the band room without someone teling me, you're too slow, you're too fast, you need to watch center, you need to keep your tempo, you need to watch the percussion. It is extrememly scary and great pressure to know that if you mess up, it can cause the entire band to mess up.
I guess we're known to work miracles when we're put under that light and that pressure. Somehow when the white pants go on, the plumes up and the stadium lights hit us, we show who we really are. That's all we can hope for tonight. I will keep you all posted.

All Eggs in One Basket= Bad Decision...

I'm taking a somewhat new outlook on that statement. Normally people think of opportunities, jobs, or work ethic when they hear the phrase "don't put all of your eggs into one basket!" I'm taking it in a different context: Friends.

I drove home musicless due to a lack of radio today and was flooded with emotion. Sometimes I feel so alone, like I don't have a friend in the world. I've got friends sure, but no really good go to anytime good 'ole sleepover girlfriends. I thought to myself, 'this is what they mean with the whole egg/basket saying' You spend all of your time and love on a few really great amazing friends and when they fade away, what do you have left? No one... I am left to start my senior year with what seems like no friends. I spent my entire summer with my sisters. There is nothing wrong with that, my sisters are great, but everyone needs non-related friends in their life. It especially sucks when most friday nights you are at home, doing nothing at all. You hear of crazy fun adventures others have, including your freshman sisters who hang out with your friends more than you do. It just is a painful and lonely feeling I can't even stand. I'm sure once the business of school and applications and auditions begins I will feel less of this because I simply won't have time to. But what do I have? Work, School, Music... and thats it. Maybe I'm just being silly and I just feel like I should be super popular and have lots of friends, but I don't need to... But I shouldn't feel this lonely, there is no way that this is normal.... All my eggs are gone and I'm just left with empty baskets walking on broken egg shells.

You're gonna miss this...

Today a friend and I went through some yearbooks and other memory filled items. Thoughts of those who have gone before me and were the upperclassmen I looked up to and learned from passed through my head. I miss many of the oldest graduates who were the seniors and juniors my freshman year. I know how much I already miss and am going to miss those who just graduated. There are many that just knowing I won't see them for quite some time saddens me. Its just strange not having them around and I'm so used to seeing them. I guess I just took waking up to those I love each morning at school for granted. And now, it has come back to bite me. I miss people so much more than I ever thought I could miss someone.

All this thought about the people in the past I miss got me thinking about the future. I can only hope that I will be missed and remembered as I do these people. I hope that there is someone like me who will think about me when I'm gone and miss the things I had done. I guess I just want to leave a legacy. Nothing completely epic nescisarily. Just my prescence being memorable would be enough. Perhaps I won't be missed the same way I miss people now, but I want me being leaving making a difference. To someone.

Feelings lost...

No this isn't another blog about me feeling lost sometimes or alone.. Take the words in a completely different contex.. My feelings are what is mixed up and lost. I felt one way, very strongly, about someone. They were negative feelings. To sort out negative feelings I usually talk to people, or if its noticeable they talk to me... What a person says can really have a big impact on you and change how you feel. But what if one person who confronts you turns your feelings around one direction and another who you talk to turns them back around. These people aren't purposely toying with me, but its so confusing. I need to find out how I feel regardless of others influences in this situation... unfortuneately there are others involved so its a bit more complicated... It'll just take time I assume, as do most things...