Turning in the memories.

I knew this day would come. I knew I would be upset. You would think that would prepare me. There is nothing that could have prepared me for tonight's game. The game ended, we played the fight song one last time. We proceeded to march out of the stadium to the cadence we all had grown to know. I could not fight the tears and honestly did not even want to. I and the other seniors marched as PHSC Tigers for the last time. We marched with our family for the last time. I know that I will forever be involved in marching bands, so I am not upset because marching band is over. I am sad because it is my family that I am leaving. Once we got back to the school we were asked to turn in our uniforms. There were some that took it off and hugged it, holding it close, smelling the familiar smell and cherishing the representation of the memories and accomplishments made in those purple jackets and pants. We weren't just turning in some pieces of clothing we turned in our memories. I know that all the thoughts of what has happened in the last four years of being the the PHSC marching band were going through the head of each senior. There has been so much in the past four years. We've marched in major parades, made friends, made enemies, fallen in love, broken up, played our hearts out, experienced heartbreak and bad times as well as triumphant moments and major success. I don't know if the average high school student experiences the amount of things we did in the past four years. There is not a moment I would ever throw away or a person I will ever forget. Everyone means so much to me and that is why I am upset. I'll be cheesy and steal a Disney line:

 "Ohana means family, family means nobody is left behind."

 As a family we are not graduating and leaving others behind. We will always remain in a special place in eachothers' hearts. I know there is a purple paw print on each of our hearts.

Pickerington Central

High School

Marching Tiger Band

  2007-2011

Times For Thinking

Thinking is obviously an important thing. We do it constantly whether we like it or not. Thinking times, what I am referring to, are those times where you find yourself in deep, contemplative thought. I found my self in one of those moments this evening. It could have been because of the lack of sleep, mass amounts of caffeine in my system or simply because I am alone. When these moments arise, I feel immersed in ideas and feelings and sometimes its just so much at once, I don't actually get anything done in my head. I tend to analyze my feelings over the past few days and decide to change them if I find them daunting or unnecessary. I think of what I need to do in the near future, internal and literal. I wonder, I plot, and I even scheme. Never to actually follow through with most of it usually. Sometimes my thoughts leave me feeling content and other times I feel confused. There are often times where my reflective moments leave me with emotions running high, both good and bad. I think these moments are good for me. I keep myself so incredibly busy that having a quiet moment only broken by the sound of music is a relief for me and a way to debrief. Reflective moments provide a relaxation technique, organization and preparation in my life.

Relief

I just happened to check on my blog this morning and read my last post: "Well I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow. (I can look back to those journal and blog entries too). " (NOV 6) Oops. I was just too tired, too happy, and too relieved to write. In case you hadn't already guessed it, we got a one. After last years terrible experience, we finally got a one. We did AMAZING. I am so proud and excited. Goodness I was nervous and stressed though. It was the most amazing night. After scores were announced we all walked back to the band everyone was cheering and jumping and, yes, crying. I didn't cry as much as I'd thought. I teared up at first but began to cry later. I was laughing and hugging and crying. It was a moment full of love, craziness and happiness. The next day we watched the tape. It was truly amazing. Some of the moves didn't even look physically possible and everything sounded amazing. The last move of the video is where the sobbing I expected earlier came in. The words our center snare, Ashton, said after states while he was bawling went through my head "Its all over, it is all done and over with, we did it and this is it." Then of course they had to show pictures and video from the past trips and I cried even more thinking of the amazing experiences I've had with this marching band.

Other than the obvious happiness, love, and nostalgia I felt after states the most prominent reaction for me was relief. I have been stressed out of my mind the past few weeks. The morning of states I finally cracked. It was bad. There are certain other reasons I was ready for marching band to end. I was tired of pretending to cooperate with certain people and that one was the entire world being taken of my shoulders. I'm going to miss it, but it was time for it to end. I'll always follow the marching tigers but I'm almost excited to sit in the audience and be marveled, stress free.

Content...really?

Every year for the last four years this night is sleepless and nerve racking. I can go back and read journal entries or blogs that I'd written on this very night in years past and its always the same feeling of fear, anxiety, nerves and tension. The night before state contest. I'm writing this on that very night, only for the last time as a Marching Tiger. Its sort of sad, but somewhat relieving. Well the relief won't come until tomorrow is over but still. It is still anxious but not as sad and nostalgic as I'd expected. Tonight was alos our last game in Tiger Stadium. Mr. Sewell had the band encircle the seniors and play Amazing Grace. Sure I teared up, but I always expected to bawl like a baby. I always thought that when marching band was over I'd be so upset and I'd be the one sobbing at ever last. Something about this season has proven otherwise. I am ready for it to end. I'm not happy that it is over, but I'm simply ok with it. Maybe it was the constant tension, anger, frustration, nerves and drama that has me feeling relieved that I will be done soon. Don't get me wrong, senior year has been amazing and so much fun. I've loved marching band so much. Maybe I'm timed just right and am simply ready to be over, because it is time to be over. I wish I knew, and I almost wish I was sad. Well I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow. (I can look back to those journal and blog entries too).
States 2010. wow.

HIT

So much has happened lately as the class of 2011's final season of marching band comes to a close. We've voted and counted Senior Favorites. We've written our Senior Wills. I've read through those who have sent their's in and tonight at practice the seniors and DEADs alone marched the first song. The first 2 months have gone by so fast that I have had no time to stop and notice: We're seniors. This is the final year. This Is It. I read some of the more 'farewell' type Senior Wills written by fellow senior band members and began to cry. I can hardly believe I will soon be leaving my friends, and band directors who have all influenced me so much. At this time I also remembered back to my freshman year. I read the Senior Wills hardly knowing anyone who wrote them and thinking about how far away that year was for me. It was so much closer than I'd thought and now more than ever I want it to be further away. But I'm not completely upset. I am happy and comforted to be standing at the end of this road with my fellow seniors who I have grown to love so dearly. I picutre us all standing in a line, arms around eachother's shoulders, with our younger band mates behind us and in a line between us and the youngins with their hands upon our shoulders'. The directors who have taught us and influenced us to become the amazing group of people we are. Just a silly little illustration but so wonderful and true.

This wonderful, sad and nostalgic reality has hit me and I'm ready to let it motivate me to make the remainder of my time accompanied by the ones I love the absolute best.

Being Upset is Easy.

When you are wronged, your instantaneous reaction is to be upset. That is completely human, you have every right to be upset. Someone wrongs you, you should be upset with them for some time. Eventually, you must find it in yourself to be forgiving, forget it, and move on. Knowing when it is time to do so is another story completely but the time does come. Getting over it seems like the best thing, it means the problem is over. The process, though, is much harder than being upset. Being upset is just how you feel and want to feel and if feels good to just let it all out and complain. Getting over something and moving on takes hard, mature work. You have to think about what happened, confront the problem, fix broken friendships, and mend hurt feelings. Here comes that good ole' 'Easier isn't always better' lesson. It'd be nice to just be upset until you run out of steam, but that is what children do. By being upset and letting someone who wronged you upset you is only making it a problem.

"He who angers you, conquers you" - Elizabeth Kenney. The right thing to do, and what will benefit you in the end is the hard thing to do: Move on.

What Music Means to Me

It is mind boggling how much music can affect you. There are so many ways it will change your mood or what you think about. Certain songs bring up memories. If you remember something significant happening at the time a song was played that song brings up those memories. If there was an inside joke about a song or someone that song reminds you of you are filed with the same emotions those memories hold for you. I can listen to a song from an ensemble I was a part of and just hearing it reminds me of those I sat or marched near to. The things that were said, and they way I felt. I can imagine the relief, nerves, affection and enjoyment like I played the song yesterday. I can remember the exact way I felt at the time about everything.

Burried Feelings Overturned

The best way to completely change how you feel about someone is to burry and forget them and eventually they will go away on their own. When someone leaves and you aren't constantly reminded of those feelings the process is even easier. You don't see them, talk to them  or interact with them so you forget how you felt and move on with your life. All progress is lost, however, when the person returns. You miss the person regardless of burried feelings and you'd think you're happy to see them. At first you are happy to see them, but then the memories, thoughts, old feeling that you hid away and had forgotten come flooding back. It hurts, its like feeling all of the old feelings, good and bad, all at once. It is completely overwhelming. You miss them and want them back in your life and at the same time you want them to stay away and be gone forever. Overwhelmingly painful desires or easy but equally as painful seclusion..

Coming Soon

I have taken a leave from this blog and my writing. I want to write, I wish I could write and have the urge to write all the time. I just have no life at this point in the year and probably won't until after January. I apologize and I will write as soon as I find the free time. Stay tuned....

A Perfect Moment

Last night the band traveled to Zanesville in hopes of qualifying for State Contest. We did just that, and more. 

     Tyler, Ashley Ezra and I along with Drew and Caliegh all stood in a line waiting as trophies were awarded. We got through class c, class b and class A. Finally they got to class AA, Were were awarded best percussion, the look on our Drew's face was simply priceless, the pride and happiness radiated from him, even though we destroyed that salute. Fourth place AA was announced, then third.... we were surprised not to hear our names. Once second was announced we looked at each other with surprise and excitement. 1st place class AA, Pickerington Central. Pride swelled in our hearts and it was a wonderful moment. We finally got the salute that time and Ashley stepped forward to recieve our shining trophy.

      That night we also won overall best percussion and overall best music. Most importantly we qualified for states. When our first place and qualification was announced it was a wonderful and perfect moment. We were clear across the field from the rest of the band, but we still felt the happiness and heard the cheers as loud as if we were immersed in the sea of purple and white. After last weeks disappointment, this was relief, happiness, surprise, excitement and love. Moments like this we share with our directors, parents and fellow band members make you realize how much you love the people around you. The people we work with, play with, have fun, cheer, cry and succeed with.

     After all scores and awards were announced and the contest came to a close we headed towards our smiling directors, trophies in hand. As we made our way over the song 'Time of your Life' by Greenday played over the loud speaker. The chorus was perfect:

 "Its something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life."

      Mr. Sewell looked so proud and happy. Mr. Joy walked towards us with the biggest smile on his face, arms open wide, hugging each of us as we arrived at the n-zone. Mr. Gorgas usually serious and quiet was beaming and hugged the Drew and each of the directors told us how proud they were. With how much they do for us seeing them relieved, proud, and happy was more reward than any shiny trophy.

     We continued on with the directors back to the cheering hugging band members. As we neared them we held the trophies in the air and cheered, they followed suit and we were greeted by hugs and cheers, some even kissed the trophies. From the time we won the awards to being reunited with our band was simply a perfect moment in time. It seemed there was not a thing wrong with the world.

We still have a long road ahead of us, but this perfect moment will fuel us with motivation and love for each other.